"There are no justified resentments", reads a poster on the wall of an addiction recovery group room. Are we accustomed to blaming others for our weaknesses, using almost any excuse as a rationale to justify our self-defeating ways? When we are filled with resentment, we are turning the controls of our emotional life over to others to manipulate.
The late Dr. Wayne Dyer once stated that removing blame means never assigning responsibility to anyone for what you are experiencing. You may not know why you feel a certain way, why you have been through a certain tough experience, why you feel victimized, or why you had the accident, but acknowledging ownership without guilt or resentment is the first step to recovery. Why would you want to take ownership? If you take responsibility for what is in your life, then at least you have a chance to also take responsibility for removing it or learning from it and moving on. Owning your experiences brings self empowerment. Blaming others for our experiences renders us powerless. If we feel that someone or something else is responsible for what we are experiencing, then we are dependent on that person or situation to change in order for us to feel better. Why would we want our well-being left in the hands of others?
Refusing to forgive someone is like drinking poison, and waiting for the other person to die. Forgiveness is not about freeing the other person but, most importantly, freeing and liberating ourselves. Holding onto resentment is like venom in our system. No one ever dies from an actual snake bite itself. It's the venom that continues to pour through our system that will end up destroying us, after the bite. Resentment is this venom that will ultimately destroy us.
How do resentments begin? Disappointment, anger, fear, jealousy, offence? Are you easily offended? Believe it or not, there are actually people who seek out ways to become offended. They wake up in the morning, and check the news to see how they might be offended that day. Emotionally liberated people have a mind that is open to everything but attached to nothing... it is a mind that says, 'how might I be inspired today?' instead of 'how might I be offended today? '
Resentment is a low vibrating energy frequency (Hz) that eats away at us over time, like a cancer. If we have the option of choosing higher vibration emotions (see chart below) which attract higher level experiences into our lives, why would we want to limit ourselves to low negative energies, which attract more of the same low victimizing experiences. Life becomes so much easier for us when we learn to accept the apology we never received.
On the emotion chart below, where do you spend most of your time? Where would you like to spend most of your time? Guess what? You get to choose!
Level Emotion Log (hertz)
Divine Consciousness ineffable, infinite space 700-1000
Peace Bliss 600
Joy Serenity 540
Love (unconditional) Reverence 500
Reason Understanding 400
Acceptance Forgiveness 350
Willingness Optimism 310
Neutrality Trust 250
Courage Affirmation 200
Pride Scorn 175
Anger Hate, resentment 150
Desire Craving, lust 125
Fear Anxiety, dread 100
Grief Regret 75
Apathy Indifference 50
Guilt Blame 30
Shame Humiliation 20
Depression (acute) Hopelessness 15
Undeserving Despair 10
Body Death no emotion 0
Source: Human Emotions Vibration Analysis Frequency Ranges, 2012
Our thoughts are equal to our vibration level. For example, if someone is depressed, it is pointless to try to reason high level positive logic with him/her. In fact, it may be counterproductive, as a large thought gap only brings on more feelings of hopelessness. The most effective and quickest way to raise the vibration of someone who is vibrating low is not by words or mind games, but by actions. Encourage him to get out in nature where the earth acts like a tuning fork, bringing up his vibration level naturally. Exercise! Go for a jog with him! Encourage him to express and feel gratitude for the little things at his level of thought... this will immediately help shift his energy level. Eat high vibration fruits and green vegetables, herbs, etc. and avoid low vibrating dense foods like pork and shellfish. Encourage him to meditate/pray which allows him to become still and present, connecting with his greater power. Listen to high vibration music which also acts as a tuning fork, raising us up. Breathing deep (yoga?) brings us to that place of stillness and into the present moment. These tools also work for any other low energy emotion listed above, including resentment. I explain more about these vibration boosters in greater detail in my book, The Laws of the Universe and the Bible: A Practical Guide to Abundant Living.
Don't forget to forgive yourself, too. On a conscious level, we may not even be aware that we might be holding onto something subconsciously from our past where we feel in some way to blame. This may manifest itself in the form of anxiety, depression, physical ailments, etc. How do we let go of these emotional blocks? Acknowledgement of them is the first step. There are many ways to peel the onion skin back to give freedom at the root... holistic therapy? new thought/belief process, etc. This is a journey of itself and requires practice and patience.
Again, there are no justified resentments. This is about you and your well-being. Let it go! Free yourself from this bondage of resentment, and allow yourself to experience freedom and well-being. Everyone is on their own journey. What others think about you, or say about you, is none of your business. That is their journey. You get to determine your own story.