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Relationships.... recognizing your soul mate

From time to time, I might get asked for advice on relationships... whether it be marital, family, friends, or co-worker relationships. I share my opinions quite readily with friends and family but hardly know how to respond when I get an email from one of my readers, because I have no formal training in psychology. So, I wondered about sharing something from a spiritual perspective instead. Let's talk about soul mates, being that these special people are the basis of much of our relationship woes.

Have you found your soul mate? A soul mate is not found. A soul mate is recognized. Have you recognized yours yet? Here is a hint... Your soul mate is not necessarily that special person who comes along and enjoys the same things as you, or has the same passions and goals. Rather, your soul mate is that person who draws the strongest emotional reaction from you. Who is that person in your life that seems to know how to push your buttons and set you off with just a few choice words? ...and then, just like that, you're either mad, offended, hurt, or upset, and you may say some things you regret later. These people (there may be more than one) are your soul mates. They are your teachers. What they are teaching you is that you haven't mastered yourself yet. Rather than be upset with them, your task ought to be to turn to them and bow and say, "I honor you as my teacher".... lol, I dare you! You know you are stuck with them. This person is probably your child, your mother, your sister, your mother-in-law, your spouse, or your co-worker! This often challenging human is your divine assigned teacher, often disguised as manipulative, crass, unconcerned, high-ego, or self-centered.

Our ego always wants to be right, but our soul/greater being just wants peace! Peace is the essence of feeling worthy and enlightened. We might be feeling peaceful at times, then along come these people who push our buttons, and they can take us away from our peace. Why? Because underneath it all, we feel a deep-rooted unworthiness at an unconscious level, so we become defensive and lash out. We pick up the dart or challenge that was thrown at us, and we throw it right back. If we can't honor our teacher, then at least honor our soul and leave that dart on the ground where it landed. We are responsible for our own peace. Of course, when we begin to master ourselves within, there are no longer buttons to push that will cause a reaction. Lesson successful!

We can't blame our soul mate for our outbursts - he/she is just the catalyst used to force us to look inward to get control over our ego. The goal is to be self aware and proactively mindful in our responses, even if our soul mate does not seem self aware at all. We ought to take the high road and honor the greater being within us and choose kindness rather than anger. Remember that our life lessons are about us. They are not about him/her. They have their own lessons to learn.

Next time you are facing your soul mate in a confrontation... pause. Perhaps a question you can ask yourself is, "What am I supposed to be learning here?" This person's soul is actually serving your soul, forcing you to confront your own deep-rooted insecurities. What comes out of their mouth is their responsibility... what comes out of your mouth is yours. You have the option to learn and grow from this experience, or you can succumb to the ego tirades once again.

The role of a soul mate is to ultimately take us to a higher level of vibration, even if both egos do not acknowledge this or are even aware of it. A soul mate will force us to stretch and grow beyond our limit, so we become greater and stronger on a subconscious level. By becoming conscious and recognizing this, our perspective will change, and so will our reactions. In fact, we will learn to respond instead of react. We got this!

Disclaimer - Pushing buttons is different than "punching" buttons. Abuse of any kind is an entirely different matter. A true soul mate will stop pushing your buttons when you have moved on and upwards. An abuser will not.

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Lori Kostenuk - Author

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